2025-09-22
Septembre
Perhaps it is fitting that my longest day of the year will be the Autumnal Equinox. I forget how much travel leaves me ungrounded and now find myself returning to a life that should be mine adrift. I had the horrible opportunity of finally getting an interview for a job I wanted during this sojourn. I did well, progressing through three rounds of interviews and a practical exercise until I was gently informed they had chosen another candidate. It was a thrill: a brief glimmer of a new life, recognition as a young professional, a chance to work towards my passions. Honestly, it was embarrassingly tantalizing. It turned into a fantasy: late mornings biking leisurely in the autumn air, a workplace that did unabashedly worked for a better world, the freedom to cross the ocean to lie in my lover's arms a bit more often. Now, with this future denied, what is there? A life that I had prepared to let go of?
I think it's evident that I don't know how to grapple with this, aside from the usual: good food, spending time with those I love, and eradicating this idleness with creative pursuits. What more is there to do than enjoy the bounties of autumn while preparing for the coming winter1?
I've been thinking about trying visual arts again. Film developing is terribly close to it (and photography "is an visual art" I've been hearing), but I'm feeling the itch of trying to make something nice with my hands. Perhaps pastels. Or crochet. Or both. It may even be prudent to find a tutorial or two, rather than chucking myself into black terror of an unknown sea. I read juuuust enough about so many art movements during my travels to have the confidence of an eight year-old attempting their first self-portrait in the third grade. Just start with a dark outline of that which your subject and fill in the centre, eh?
I hope the turning of the seasons is treating you well. Light a candle for me this equinox, please.
1: They are calling me the squirrel.