2025-09-29

Month 3, 4, 5

(Of 2023)

2023-09-01

Month 3

Oops.

2023-11-14

Month 4

The New Zealand One

Hello again dear readers. I'm at the end of my time of New Zealand. I don't have any true tasks until January beyond "chill hard" and "travel". I've written my only final, submitted every summative paper, and I'm 80% sure I passed every course (and may have scraped an A- out of a couple, too). It's not done yet, but I feel like the next month won't accurately represent the 'exchange experience', so let me begin to look back with an appraising eye. Let's start with a gentle reprise of Month 2, shall we?

Today was a stand out day. After a bit of tipsy scheming on Guy Fawkes day (five days ago, Sunday, 2023-11-05), I found myself smushed in a car with three people I would genuinely consider friends on a mission to go camping. We showed up late to the site (the sun had just set), set up a massive tent, boiled some weiners, and went out to the beach in the dark. In the light of my tiny WalkSafe combination flashlight / bottle opener, we foraged through the paths to the sand and looked upwards to see So. Many. Stars. Together, we spotted Jupiter and Saturn, drew constellations, and were able to spot the jewel box. Our first shooting star welcomed us. We slept outside, haphazardly cuddled under the stars, but shifted inside in the early morning during a gentle ring and the early Tūi calls. We made breakfast and sleepily broke camp as the weather cleared. This lead to a lovely beach day with surprisingly warm water, lots of sun, and snorkelling (provided by a free excursion group). It's a shame Montréal is so far from a warm ocean; there is nothing like a casual beach day among friends. It was lovely. In the evening, I rallied my energy to head out to a gig: the last show (for me) of my favourite local band, Slow Rage, at the venue I first saw them at, the Grey Lynn Library Hall. Though no one else joined me, I loved it, even after a guy stage dove onto my head in the pit and left me with some tightness (and perhaps a small concussion...). I feel like I've finally begun to find some connection just as I'm set to leave, though part of me wonders if it would last if I stayed. I've been shirking these thoughts as unproductive and enjoying what is here, now.

Overall, was it worth it?

I've been thinking a lot about that question, and I don't know. Overall, it feels like this time was necessary in a deeply personal way. I have been fundamentally uncomfortable with myself and my needs (wants, desires) for a long time. This summer (May, June, pre-AKL July) was a good start. I'm not the first American to go abroad and return 'having found herself' (I despise the connotations of that phrase); it feels moreso that Auckland happened to be the setting for me finally finding compassion for myself.

Why do I cry when I ask myself this question, though, "was it worth it"? I'm unsettled with my own 'personal growth' being a justification in of itself (showing I have a bit more to go with it) and that it was moulded from a particularly deep bout of isolation and depression. Honestly, it just seems sad: "I went to Aotearoa and spent most of it lonely, but I feel a bit better about myself now!" I recall before leaving everyone was excited for me, but I don't know if I was. I was scared, anxious of finding isolation, but this outside excitement kept me on the path. I got offered a ripcord so. many. times. A common refrain from my mom was "It's not to late to not go. We can figure it out if you don't want to do this." I wondering if she saw my hesitation and this was a gentle suggestion that I could choose not to. But I was set on it. So I didn't take it.

And this too is an oversimplification. While physically lonely for much of the time, I curated important, meaningful relationships with friends who were 18 hours away. I wrote letters and postcards, drew on connections and support systems, and kept on kicking. I'm here now, aren't I?

I don't know if the question of "was it worth it?" leads to a productive conversation, though. It has happened. I am here now, once again in Montréal (my home, I feel comfortable saying), full of these experiences, memories, and explorations. I cannot change the past, only what is to come; for that I thank these past experiences for helping shape my future.

Okay okay time to get bloggy with it

My courses were relatively interesting, with a strong emphasis on student involvement in a couple of them along with Mātauranga Māori (a form of indigenous knowledge), though only a single course tutor was Māori, the rest Pākehā (New Zealander of European descent). I got good marks, two As, an A- and a B+, which I did not expect. I slipped pretty severely during Month 2 + 3 and managed to swing it in the end. I got involved in the research and design of a student co-designed course in the department of environment at Auckland Uni, made ample use of their makerspace and free fabric to sew a banner for a protest, and did a pretty good job as a course representative. I prefer McGill to UoA (the devil you know,) but I still see the beauty and opportunities UoA holds, regardless. Considering this more critically, I think I was mostly depressed and lonely which combined with a lack of rapport or relationship with my classmates led to it feeling largely underwhelming. I don't think I would return here for higher education; the size and lack of particular depth in my fields of study make it an unattractive option.

Volcanic

I reached the halfway mark (29/53, 55%) on the volcano project; it's unfortunate that I am not able to visit them all. Those that remain are centred in South Auckland (I've been tempted to run a local Moran's I or some other cluster analysis on their geographic distribution). The leftovers are mostly surrounded by heavy industry and poor transit access, which would require long walks for me to reach them (not that I'm opposed!). Unfortunately, I won't be able to make it to all (or most!) of them. Of those that I visited, my favourite two were Matukūtureia / McLaughlins Mountain and the Puhinui Craters, located right next to each other. Matukūtureia is a beautiful volcanic mountain in the middle of an industrial centre, forcing you to forage along sidewalk-less roads if arriving by public transit. Matukūtureia is a mighty thing with little acknowledgement aside from an overgrown pathway that makes you feel like you're trespassing. Venturing further, I ended up tramping through waist high grasses beyond the base of Matukūtureia, jumping short barbed wire fences and ambling towards Puhinui through questionably public fields. I had to scramble over a massive pipe that hung ~10m over a salt marsh to crawl onto a bridge. After jumping a couple more fences I finally reached Puhinui on a route that was 100% not intended. Regrettably, it has mostly been quarried and redeveloped into pasture, but the journey of it all was my favourite part. It absolutely rocked and I would recommend it to anyone searching for a similar rush.

Gigs

I found so many excellent shows while I was in Auckland. I had a bit of a break during the intensity of October (shudder, the horrors), but got solidly back into the swing of things as time began to run out in NZ. As you can see, I saw a lot of my favourite Auckland band, Slow Rage. Max and Sam are genuinely lovely (thanks for the occasional insta chat Max <3) and they should totally do a NA tour :p. The consideration of the limited time in AKL led to the push to see them one last time on the 11th, after all the camping + beaching nonsense.

Century A Day: November

Oh my god! I did a writing challenge! Not only did I start a writing challenge, I completed one! I legitimately had such a rush of endorphines from doing this. Mostly, I didn't expect it to be perceived by so many others? Like sure, a couple of writing friends would read it, but people that I didn't expect have seen it published! It's warming and vulnerable, baring my skin and waiting for the brush of cold air. The other night I went and reread them, observing myself once again, and I found so many copy errors and words I'd like to change. But I'm treating all CAD:N entries as fixed: once I 'submitted them' (uploaded) they will be left untouched (aside from Manifesto due to a word count error). One hundred words felt perfect for this, I'm excited to see what writing challenge the new year brings.

Birds!

Ohhh my god I saw so many cool ass birds. Dude. Dude. Being in Aotearoa got me into birding. I haven't mentioned it much in past articles, but while the trees unnerved me in how different they were to North America, I found solace in the uniqueness of the birds. The star, of course, is the Tuī. They are distinctive and they are everywhere. Their calls are unmistakable, sounding a bit like R2D2's various squeals and squawks. They have a little tuft of white feathers beneath their beak, like an English barrister, and a deep blue irridescence to their wings. I fell in love with them. They have a variety of dialects throughout the nation, meaning you'll recognise it as a Tuī, but you'll know when you're home. Below is my "life list" of birds I saw while I was in NZ, along with when / where I first recorded seeing them. Excluded, of course, are the typical House Sparrow (Passer domesticus) and Pigeons (Rock Doves, Columba livia), which are a near-guarantee of any modern cityscape.

2025-09-22

Month 5

The travel one (this reads like a journal entry and travel log, which can be obnoxious if you don't care much for that sorta thing. as a heads up).

2023-12-24

New Zealand

So, my parents came to visit me. In a whirlwind 10 days, we adventured around North Island and then through the beauty of the South Island. A brief stop in Wellington later, we arrived back in Auckland just in time for me to move out.

Auckland

It started in Auckland, of course. They landed early (and I was sleepy), so we met downtown for brunch and went on a quick adventure out to Devonport (mirroring one of my first activities in Auckland). We climbed Maungauika (North Head) and I pointed out some of my favourite local birds (there is nothing like the call of the Tūi). It was my mom's birthday and we had a lovely dinner at a fancy Japanese place and walked along the beaches a bit, the cold water cresting quietly as we strolled. The following day, we rented a car and went on a trip, finally indulging all of my cheesy touristic desires. We drove past proper commercial gardens, massive netting over kiwifruit farms and weirdly manicured trees that formed a flat, homogeneous wall against their tall fences. We passed through Paeroa, home of L&P (the delicious lemon-y NZ soft drink, "world famous in New Zealand!"), on our way through the gorgeous Karangahake gorge. We went to Hobbiton (c'mon. you gotta) and it genuinely ruled. It's perfect to the movies—they rebuilt it in a more permanent fashion for the Hobbit (movies) and as a tourist destination—at a variety of scales to be truly fitting for a human-sized crowd. On our way home we stopped near Maungatautari and walked up to the trail and gazed at the beautiful countryside for a solid fifteen minutes at sunset. The drive back was uneventful, with few specific plans for the next day. After a lazy tour of my Uni's campus (and some merch for the folks), we decided to have dinner on Waiheke island. We saw Little Blue Penguins (Eudyptula minor) nesting in the rocks by the ferry terminal. It was a lovely send off to living permanently in Auckland, with the finality setting in as we flew to South Island the next day.

South Island

A quick flight to Queenstown and a sketchy rental car later (flying domestic is soooo chill in NZ you can have your water bottle full through security and everything), we were on our way towards the smaller town of Te Anau. It was rainy and cloudy, their cover disguising the deep glacial valleys the roads weaved through. Te Anau is the largest settlement near Fiordlands National Park, the largest national park in New Zealand and part of the first nature-specific World Heritage Site. It was pretty sleepy with the weather, but I explored the town a bit and called Laura while I sat by the lake's edge, enjoying the protections of a new rain jacket. We went to Doubtful Sound, climbing thousands of metres and falling many more, seeing the beautiful sights of Fiordland National Park. I do not know if I've ever really seen nature like that. The weather was perfect: the rain of the past days cleared into the lovely summer's day on the water, sunlight illuminating all while providing spectactular ephemeral waterfalls. A quick jaunt back to Queenstown and a slight detour brought us to the entrance to the mines of Moria, where we climbed the last of the snowpack and I dipped toes in the freezing lake. We moseyed our way up the island, stopping at a winery, witnessing a glacier, and carving our way through the beautiful mountains and valleys South Island is partial to. Before crossing back to the East I went for a swim in the frigid waters of the Pacific and had an incredible time. My folks were more hesitant to get in the water, understandably. By the time we reached Christchurch we were exhausted and crashed easily, preparing ourselves for an early flight back North the next day.

Wellington

Wellington was lovely, again, though we were quite beleaguered for it. We landed and lounged a bit before heading to the incredible Zealandia—the pest-free sanctuary in the middle of downtown Wellington, which has successfully reintroduced a number of severely endangered native species. I have never seen such a diversity of birds in one place! I saw a fucking Takahē (Porphyrio hochstetteri, quite endangered and only the South Island species survives) ((also a favourite Kiwi lit mag, with a favourite piece of mine))! See the birds sections above, but wow, this was truly magical. We did not spend long in the city, but I showed my folks some of my favourite spots from my brief RPR stint there before a quick jump back to Auckland, and, soon after, Australia.

2024-04-14

Australia

So, I went to go visit the friend I made in Australia. In a whirlwind 10 (11, technically) days, I saw the beautiful bush, kangas, wallabies, emus, and so many other birds! The city of Melbourne is incredible! I found love! Things that were initially temporary continue on to the present! Oh god, will I be Australian one day? (Scary).

The Bush

No, not that one. Get your mind of the gutter, cmon.

In the company of my friend Katie¡ and two of their friends, I spent 6 days camping at Grampians National Park. A small mountain range, there were so many excellent tracks, waterfalls, and proper Australian birds abound. New Zealand was fascinating, absolutely, and gorgeous to boot, but I've never seen anything quite like the Grampians. The dark ferrous red of the rocks and the dirt, the leafy hills covered in alien trees, the canyons as water carved its way through the sandstone. My favourite adventure in it all was a day-long hike up and down one of its massive peaks, running out of water two-thirds of the way through and saying "fuck it!" and having all of us try four possibilities: untreated creek water, untreated well water, both, or neither. Hurray for not getting Girardia! I also won't divulge the details here (there are some things I'd like to keep private), but it quickly became clear that I was falling for Katie¡. It could have been the setting; we watched a marvellous sunrise off of a cliff's edge with a blanket wrapped around the two of us, but I like to think the ultimate push into oblivion came when we laid in a small forest clearing and watched the night sky come in to full bloom. I have never seen a night sky so full of stars before or since. With the clarity, we saw a minor meteor shower—three shooting stars in quick succession!

The city

Melbourne was just as good the second time 'round. After addressing our romantic tension, crashing with someone whose knowledge of the city could qualify them as a tour guide gives an excellent view into a place. We visited the city's museum (hidden in the town hall, for the low cost of free), explored some transit-filled sights (the tired tiny PTV punt ferry!), and got to take Katie to some of the places I enjoyed the first time I came to town. I even had dinner with her family :p. When it came time for me to return to Montréal, neither of us wanted it to be the end. Accepting that sometimes good things end, we parted tearfully, and while I waited for my flight I brought my parents up to speed. And then Beth (my mom) issued her fateful proclamation: "why not?"

And the rest is history, baby.

Aotearoa Series

Day 1   |   Month 1   |   Month 2   |   AusPos   |   Month 3, 4, 5

Back to What